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Writer's picturemackenzie shady

it's not supposed to be this way, but that's okay

A Year of Growth


I have been very hesitant about posting really anything about this past year. I didn’t want to post a recap of how great 2021 was because honestly, it was pretty crummy.


I let this upset me for the first few days of the new year. Seeing everyone’s 2021 posts about their “perfect” life, I was angry.


Now I'm sitting here writing this, realizing this year wasn’t the amazing, happy year I thought it would be, but a year of growth, and heck, that’s argumentatively even more special.


A year ago today, I had no idea what I'd be in for this next year. I was still in school, not feeling good but still getting by. Mentally I wasn't where I wanted to be, and looking back I realize I was not the person I wanted to be at all, but still I was living my life.


Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom.


Sometimes getting to rock bottom is what it takes to grow. I am not the same person I was a year ago, and I think that’s pretty amazing.


February 2021 I stopped going to school, I just started getting answers and got more sick than I had ever been. I thought that was the worst, but my body managed to get more and more sick. I started getting more neurological symptoms that summer (I explained what those are for me in my last blog), which I would say now are worse, and much more scary, than physical symptoms. Right as I was about to try to get back to school in September, I got into the worst spell I have with my stomach in my entire life. The day before the first day of school, actually. It went on for a month I’d say, I had days where all I could do was lay in bed and pray, pray I wouldn't die. Pray the pain would go away. Pray God would ease my fear.


And that’s when it hit me. That night my life changed. I was reading through my Bible crying, when I came across this verse. Psalm 118:6 “The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do to me?” What can man do to me? What can man do for me?


God allowed me to go through this, He’s continuing to allow me to go through this, and I'm trusting Him. What can man do for me that He can’t?


Yeah, this year was pretty terrible. But, look at how I've grown. Look at what I've realized. I couldn't have done this if my life stayed the way it was.


People are so afraid of change. So afraid to let go. So afraid to hit rock bottom. But what if that is exactly what you need?


My New Year's resolution this year: be a better me, no matter the circumstances I'm given.


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