God was in that room last night,
And I must not stay quiet about it.
February 22nd, at 6pm, my church held a worship night.
Here is my testimony from last night, which I scribbled out on some scrap paper while sitting in my bed at midnight:
Personally, I am not a huge worship person. I love music, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always felt out of place when publicly worshiping God. But, leading up to tonight, I was determined to change that narrative. I was beaming, light up shoes on and all; that is, until I pulled into that parking lot.
I don’t really know how to explain it, but as soon as I got in my car to head to the church, I felt as though something was off. This feeling only worsened as the drive went on, and I soon realized how incredibly anxious I was–for no apparent reason. Truly, none. I was doing so well. I was finally feeling as though I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but just like that, everything changed.
As I was only a block or two away from my church's parking lot, I felt my brakes begin to lock up. I was already feeling anxious from the “off” feeling I still couldn’t seem to pinpoint, so once I realized I was now all the way in Harborcreek, sitting in a car with failing brakes– to say I was panicked would be an understatement.
Thankfully, my dad came to my rescue. He drove my mom’s car to the church for me and took his car to drive home for me. That was, until the brakes gave out completely.
As the worship began, I got the call that my dad was stuck at Penn State Behrend because the brakes had now fully failed, and I needed to go pick him up.
Little did I realize how insanely confusing college campuses are, especially one you’ve never been in—and–even more especially–at night. After some immense panic and some accidental sidewalk driving, I found my way to my dad.
Luckily, I have some great friends who were willing to give me a ride home at the end of the night, so I had my dad take me back to the church.
Though, I had no idea what kind of night I was about to be in for.
Like I said, there was something very off, I didn’t know what or why, but I knew something was deeply wrong. Which, in all honesty, made no sense because I had truly been doing so good, and things had been looking up. But, that still didn’t change the fact that I felt bad. Things felt heavy.
And the tears just wouldn’t stop flowing. And I grew more and more upset, because tonight wasn’t supposed to be this way. But it was.
And it was for a reason.
As I finally made my way back into the auditorium, I felt the weight grow heavier and heavier. I began to look around, scouting the area as I always tend to do, until I came across one of the pastors. My gut feeling was to go over to him, so after a brief mental debate, I decided to walk over and ask him to pray for me.
As he finished praying, I heard the song Gratitude begin playing…and I couldn’t help but look up and smile through the tears. My pastor had prayed that I’d feel God’s presence tonight, and there He was. My song was playing, God heard my cry.
I don’t think I fully processed that moment until right now.
I’m not sure why I felt such a strong urge to go and ask my pastor to pray for me, but I’m so glad I listened to it.
Because as soon as I heard those first few lines of Gratitude start up at the end of his prayer, I knew it was God.
He prayed that I’d see Your presence tonight, God.
And for the first time,
I can confidently say I saw You.
You were in that room tonight, and I could not be more grateful.
Coincidently, there was a question presented on the screen tonight before the service.
“What do you need to let go of in order to receive more from God?”
My answer?
Expectations.
Because tonight could not have been further from what I expected, but somehow, it was exactly what I needed.
I mentioned before that I’m not a big worship person, and I never really tend to let myself get into it, but let me tell you one thing: after that prayer, everything changed. I dropped my guard and gave it all up to God. That very moment that I fully raised my hands out to Him was so powerful…so much more than I could have ever imagined.
Tonight, God won.
And I broke through.
This might be my favorite blog post ever. 💕